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 Renette Vermeulen





Proverbs 29:8-9, “Scoffers [mockers, persecutors, provokers, fake believers] set a city aflame, but wise men [try to] turn away wrath.  If a wise man contends with a foolish man, whether the fool rages or laughs, there is no peace.” 


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[Acknowledgement to the person who compiled and published this image]



Please note 

The study of human behavior, as also found in psychology but not so much in psychiatry, is the crux of this article; confirmed and guided by the never-changing, Scriptural Word of the Lord Jesus Christ.  Nevertheless, as many psychologists also use psychiatry in their “talk therapy,” one must be careful to “test and prove everything to see if it is from God,” (1 Ths. 5:21-22.)  Additionally, where the word “victim” is used, it does not mean a “victim mentality that merely seeks sympathy” or something similar.  It factually refers to the true “injured parties,” “fatalities,” or “casualties” of barnyard bullies, narcissists, psychopaths, traitors, adulterers, slanderers, and other non-stop torturers. 



¨ Narcissism is not natural self-love but “the most severe pathology and the root of destructiveness in humanity” 

¨ God clearly commands recourse to deal with narcissistic psychopaths 

¨ A list to identify mistakes with narcissistic abusers

¨ Narcissists and their unbelievable crazy-making tactics explained in more detail 

¨ What the abused can do to help themselves overcome God’s Way  




No normal person suspects that narcissists do not ‘merely’ think higher of themselves than they should, (Rom. 12:3 KJV.)   God never commanded us to hate ourselves, but to love other people as we love ourselves. Thus, we may also expect that they must treat us as we treat them concerning sincerity, honesty, fidelity, etcetera, (Mt. 7:12; 22:46-40.)  God’s Moral Law is ingrained in everyone, (Hebrews 10:16.)  We all “intuitively know” how to treat other people as God commanded in His Word.  So, normal people cannot understand how outwardly “good, helpful, and friendly” people, (often those who did not seem like double-minded geniuses but whom we loved and trusted,) can be so extremely clever and without remorse and repentance that they stole everything dear to us, (mostly that which money can never buy,) systematically murdered us emotionally, and secretly destroyed our families, friendships, finances, reputation, health, work, and everyone and everything dear to us, (John 10:10.) 

¨ They might have started out well but have been “losing it” on and off during their lives to such an extent that the psychologist Eric Fromm named  them “grandiose sadistic psychopaths.”  Eric Fromm described their extremely covert ‘personality disorder’ as “malignant narcissism, [like in undetected, progressive cancer;] representing the quintessence of evil.  It is the most severe pathology and the root of the most vicious destructiveness in inhumanity.”  Jesus’ apostle Paul confirmed this statement in 2 Timothy 3:1-6 and described them as a caustic combination of the following.  They are “dangerous lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, BLASPHEMERS, disobedient [to everyone,] unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, SLANDERERS, without self-control, BRUTAL, despisers of good, TRAITORS, headstrong, haughty, [adulterers, fornicators, pathological liars,] lovers of [sinful] pleasure rather than lovers of God; having a form of godliness [as they are mostly very religious,] but denying the power [or truth and sincerity] thereof.  [Because they never regret, confess, or repent from sin,] from such turn away!” 

Though narcissists often profess even personally born again allegiance to Jesus, the true God of the Bible does not share His  spiritual temple with immoral scoffers, (1 Cor. 6:15-20; Prov. 22:10-11.)  Thus, they secretly and sometimes openly reject God, morality, and conscience to maintain their dedicated self-worship, and to lead their lives as two different people. 

¨ Narcissists can pretend to be empathetic by making themselves into people who “know what suffering is all about.” Secretly, however, they are clandestine torturers and totally untrustworthy assassins, who progressively rage or covertly manipulate through passive-aggression — but mostly they destroy their victims through a combination of both. 

¨ If narcissism could be summarized by two words, it would be “constant betrayal.”  They are never sincere about anything.  They break every serious promise they make and cover their treason with lies, confusion, blame-shifting, manipulation, and rage!  They usually trample all honest confrontation and attempts to reconciliation to smithereens with denial, aggressive verbal assault, and violence.  So, it is really difficult to comprehend how those who were supposed to protect, love, and take care of us, could so flawlessly live their double lives through endless unfaithfulness.  How they could complicate ordinary situations so geniusly that they could make everyone believe their incredible false accusations and slander, contrary to clear logic and absolute fact.  How they could “get away” with even a whole lifetime of adultery, child molestation, drug and alcohol abuse, emotional murder, and the destruction of lives, finances, and property.  How they could fit the Biblical profile of psychopaths so clearly without even their closest loved ones and friends suspecting them of being completely false and without feeling.  Proverbs 26:23-26 describes them as follows, “Fervent lips with a wicked heart are like pottery covered with silver.  He who hates, disguises it with his lips, [his clever words,] and lays up deceit within himself.  When he speaks kindly, do not believe him, for there are seven abominations in his heart.  Though his hatred is covered by deceit, his wickedness will be [eventually] revealed before [everyone.]” 

Usually, normal people cannot believe that they got entangled with such crazy-making, controlling masterminds who psychopathically, sadistically, and persistently messed with everyone’s minds and lives “just because they could!”  Not even spouses, parents, children, or siblings, who did not pay attention to the destructive character traits of these supposedly “strong, supportive,” but totally unstable people, can conceive the fact that they were sharing their lives with extremely secretive savages, who enjoy torturing the unsuspected.  It is virtually impossible to see these alleged “victimized” pretenders as the destroyers of countless innocent lives.   And yes, instead of having a spot of empathy for the many victims they accumulated over the years, they turn themselves into the desperately abused victims of their mostly lifelong deceived captives

Paul had good reason to command that they must be shunned, as narcissists simply refuse to learn from their mistakes, or change their destructive behavior.  They do not fear any consequences to their deadly actions.  They made confusion, lies, and manipulation a lifestyle, and deliberately create chaos either covertly or overtly, or on both levels, to conceal their unthinkable abuse and exert their power over those whom they constantly and increasingly terrorize and sabotage

¨ Even more disturbing, psychologists agree that ‘narcissism personality disorder’ is a deliberate choice, not a mental illness.  To strangers and those they choose to target, narcissists flare open their nets by pretending to be perfect ‘gentlemen and ladies.’  Not even those related to them, although deep down they ‘know’ there is something wrong with them, can suspect that such “decent” people are actually possessed by power madness, reckless greed, and a mindset of total dominance, which turn them into deadly predators of the innocent and destroyers of the unwary. 

¨ Narcissists pretend to be nice and normal, while mostly in secret but also openly if they so choose, they go to all extremes to create pandemonium.  Their motive is to use both negative and positive attention to “feed” their insatiable need for attention, power, and control through extreme excitement, hyper sexuality, sadistic supremacy, and unbelievably illogic arguments, which they use to taunt and provoke their victims to anger to justify their intimidation and blind rages.  E.g., “You dare to defy me so I’ll show you!  If I cannot harm you, I will harm and destroy your children, your pets, your pot plants and garden, your spouse, your good name; your home and car, your work, and  your relationships.  Then, I will steal and break your stuff, and simply unwaveringly deny any wrongdoing!” 


Narcissists literally live off all types of brutality, which they only apply on the defenseless because they are natural born cowards.  Covertly, they do anything immoral and illegal to puff their grossly inflated egos.  Boundaries do not exist for them.  Backhandedly, they turn everything good into dirty power games such as rape, child molestation, and unrelenting  cheating and adultery; disregarding all honesty, fidelity, and accountability.  They adhere to only one belief: they have the ‘right’ to do exactly as they please for as long as they choose, without considering any lawful and moral implications

¨ Thus, God warned in Malachi 2:13-16 that where there is violence in a home, it always stems from adultery.  Adultery, (sprouting from all types of unmentionable fornication,) is the ultimate narcissistic hate-crime against God, His holy marriage covenant, good spouses, and their innocent families.  So, sexual sin is the great perversion that leads to emotional and physical murder in relationships, marriages, and among family members, (1 Jn. 3:15.) 

¨ Elizabeth Kendall, the “girlfriend” of the notorious narcissist-psychopath serial killer Ted Bundy and her daughter, whom he helped to raise for five years, still swear that he was the greatest gentleman aliveIt is a fact that narcissists keep their murderous hatred and inconceivable torture for their victims.  In the end, Bundy confessed to thirty murders across seven states, although authorities reckon it could be fifty or more.  During an interview on death row, Bundy said, “All the violent offenders I met in prison, just like me, without question or exception, every one of them was deeply involved, influenced, addicted, and consumed by pornography…” 

¨ Narcissism and psychopathy work hand in glove to manifest through remorseless people that are “past [or without] feeling,” as Paul warned in Ephesians 4:17-19.  Narcissism can be described as backhanded terrorism and sabotage, which presents itself through a lifetime of different crimes, all combined in the same individual.  Add to these extremely toxic behaviors extreme secrecy and evil brilliance, and you have aggressive, self-entitled danger to life and limb in the form of a very disturbed person. 


To get through people’s natural resistance to prove their superiority, narcissists choose to constantly engage with empathetic optimists who believe there is good in all people, and they, (the empaths,) are strong, lovable, and enduring enough to “change” them into normal individuals.  So, when empaths submit to or confront narcissists because of their irrational arguments and incredible provocation, they unwittingly enter into a lifestyle of constant contention

When narcissists are challenged with their impossible behavior, they fanatically argue that they are being innocently victimized, and they either lack understanding of what they are doing, suffer from amnesia, or aggressively insist on their illogic standpoints as if they are fighting for their lives.  Then, they load all their blame onto their so-called “accusers,” and assume enough ‘motive’ from confrontations to disappear for even long periods at a time to continue their double lives. 

¨ Even when the abuse eventually escalates out of control, most empaths still do not understand, and thus refuse to accept that these callous abusers will never assume personal responsibility for their crimes and are, therefore, totally unreachable, unteachable, and unchangeable, despite all human efforts.  E.g., they cannot be reasoned with as they lack conscience and empathy because they are dangerous psychopaths.  As seen in the interview with Ted Bundy, all serious mental disturbances are based on a combination of narcissism and psychopathy.  But try telling people in love with narcissists or those who were trauma and treason bonded by them that they are in the hands of the devil… 

After carefully choosing their targets during the initial “love,” “helpful,” and “gentlemen or ladies” stages, narcissists exert their abuse on them so slyly and systematically, the victims gradually become so trauma and treason bonded, they hardly ever recognize such appalling behavior as abuse — apart from the deep, upsetting, gut feeling that something is tremendously wrong somehow.  But time and again, these masters of manipulation demolish all doubts about their victims’ sincerity with renewed “love” and “friendliness,” which only last until their next surge of abuse plunges their victims deeper into their matrix of deception, with the goal to eventually drown them in a bottomless sea of hopelessness. 

¨ What’s more, the real personality traits and agendas of narcissists remain completely hidden to outsiders and even to their victims, as their sewerage holes of dirty secrets are a huge part of keeping them in control, while they bombard and confuse the abused to such an extent, most are never able to pinpoint what is wrong with these evil geniuses.  Yet,  the abused are always aware that without any clear reasons, narcissists constantly threaten their lives, betray them,  never defend them, and overlook serious matters to illogically rant and rage over trivial things. The consequences of such psychological and physical abuse are multi-tiered and disastrous.

 Psychologists differentiate between certain ‘degrees’ of narcissism; making some less dangerous than others, and they call some “overt” and other “covert” narcissists.  Yet, from fifty years experience with a whole clan of narcissists, I found that narcissism consists of a combination of both grandiose and covert obliteration; depending on how they choose to adapt to situations to disrespect, invalidate, intimidate, and torture the abused.  They also willfully manifest various personalities under different circumstances.  As they exploit both negative and positive attention to ‘feed’ their grandiosity, they place themselves beyond reason, reach, and help.  So, they never change but only grow worse over time.   



This article is about the realization that the abused must overcome abuse God’s Scriptural Way as their lives, by God’s grace, are their personal responsibility.  Through the ages, abusers have been destroying gullible people on all levels of life, but now The Holy Spirit warns, “In the last days dangerous times will come, for men will be lovers of themselves… [treacherous narcissists...] For this sort are those who creep into households [to ruin the innocent] with various lusts [such as child molestation…] having a form of godliness but denying it’s power.  From such turn away!”  (2  Tim. 3:1-8.) 

Recently, narcissism has exploded globally and Jesus prophesied it will only grow worse until He returns, (Mt. 24:1-31.) 

¨ Unless the abused understand what God really says in His Word about dealing with abusers, and until they acquire knowledge of who they are actually dealing with, how they were ‘addicted’ to them and why, and how they must take control of their emotions and their own lives in God’s power, they will always be their deceived punching bags. 

¨ Proverbs 22:10 (KJV) inarguably states, “Cast out the scoffer, [mocker, persecutor, provoker, fake believer,] and contention, [arguments, disagreement, discord,] will leave.  Yes, strife, [yelling, fighting, violence] and reproach, [outrage, shame, scolding, swearing, and failure making,] will cease.”  Does this sound harsh?  Paul warned in 2 Corinthians 6:11-18, “...You are restricted, [limited, controlled,] by your own [misplaced] affections... [Never see abuse as love!] Be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers; for what fellowship has righteousness with unrighteousness, [or] light with darkness? ...Come out from among them and be separateDo not touch what is unclean, says God, and I will receive you.” 

As long as the abused think they can change wilfully unrepentant people, while actually enabling their abuse by covering their sin and finding excuses for them, there is no hope to be delivered and healed from narcissistic abuse, (Rom. 1:32.) 

¨ This is no longer about changing narcissist psychopaths; we can only change ourselves.  God did not call us to change other people — which is impossible without their consent and submission to Him, (Jn. 1:12-14.)  Jesus commissioned us to preach His Truth and to “love” people in deed and truth.  We must “submit to one another” in everything good and Godly, and work at growing emotionally to glorify God, (Eph. 5:21; Rom. 12:1-3.)  Narcissists never submit to anyone



¨ Stop hoping they will come to their senses; they chose to be immoral, empty shells filled with self-importance. 

¨ Stop expecting them to confess their sin and tell you the truth; they are habitual liars and crafty puppeteers that callously torture and humiliate their victims as a never-ending game to amuse and magnify themselves. 

¨ Stop repeating yourself; it’s a cruel, deceptive practice to disrespect and invalidate you, and provoke you to anger. 

¨ Stop trying to explain; they’re not deaf or retarded but vampirously feed off your hopelessness and frustration. 

¨ Stop accepting their clever excuses, illogic explanations, and false promises; they choose to remain guilty as they will never change.  They have no intention to accept responsibility, honor their word, repent form their harm, or do good. 

¨ Stop living in denial and face the facts; Jesus said you will know them by their [unrepentant] fruit, not their promises

¨ Stop forgiving or overlooking their unrepented crimes; to them, your constant forgiveness translates into a licence to sin 

¨ Stop trusting them and giving them chances; they distort truth and misrepresent reality, (called gaslighting,) and so, they define the way you think and perceive them, other people, yourself, life in general, and even God and His Word. 

¨ Stop seeing abuse as love and care; narcissists are unscrupulous sadists that deliberately harm and humiliate you to trauma and treason bond you to them.  This means they enjoy abusing you openly, secretly, and on a multilevel until you are so stunned and confused you ‘love’ and defend them as a survival mechanism; (called Stockholm Syndrome;) believing you cannot live without them, are totally dependant upon them, and their abuse is “not all bad.” 

¨ Stop the guilt and sympathy; they play on your feelings with sob stories while they carefully targeted you and calculate every murderous move against you, (1 Jn. 3:15.)  The reality is that abuse is hatred and emotional murder, not ‘love!’ 

¨ Stop thinking they feel sorry for you; they have no conviction of sin and do not feel remorse or empathy.  If they did, they would not have escalated the abuse instead of repenting from it to do restitution as far as possible, (Lev. 6:1-5.) 

¨ Stop believing the “abuse never happened.”  Abuse is intentional harm. They expertly alternate between care and abuse to hoodwink and confuse you.  They mess with your mind to make you believe their lies and submit to deceit. 

¨ Stop believing you can talk sense to them and change them; they are expert blame shifters that intentionally pull you into arguments to open you to their provocation, disrespect, and violence, while they mirror their filth unto youAll kinds of attention feed their ‘magnificence,’ and strengthen their power and overt and covert dominance over you.  

¨ Stop wondering why they recklessly endanger your life and never protect or defend you against danger or the victimisation of others.  They deliberately trauma bond you to them by creating chaos and danger, and they are inherent cowards who only regard and defend themselves.  That is why they are the biggest barnyard bullies alive.  They derive intense pleasure from making you suffer, and they also revel when others make you suffer

¨ Stop saying they are actually “good;”  they are skilled pretenders with double characters that lead evil, double lives. The destroyer that destabilizes you and makes your life a living hell is the real person.  Narcissists seek deceived adversaries who think they are their ‘loving companions.’ Their confusion systematically wears all ‘opposition’ down. 

(Continue to What the Abused can do)