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You have Magnified Your Word above All Your Name, Ps. 138:2

Dealing With Abuse and Abusers God’s Way 

©  Copyright Now Unbanned Publications    

 

 With love, to all the suffering victims of abuse 

Renette Vermeulen

 

This is not a study from the viewpoint of psychology

This is a study of the influence of human circumstance, human behaviour, and God’s Scriptural commandments to escape, resolve, and heal the dreadful yet common sin and consequences of abuse. 

Without ever minimizing the despicable crimes of abuse, or the suffering of helpless victims of abuse, it is necessary to understand that the mechanisms, which the world presents to clarify and contain the trauma of abuse, is really not as effective as they allege.  On the contrary, it is an indisputable fact that the teachings of psychology are in enmity with the God of the Bible and His Word, because it is based on occult and pagan religious thought, and satanic philosophy.  Hence, psychology does not present any real answer to the effects of physical, emotional and spiritual trauma.  Instead, it poses great spiritual dangers to unwary, hurting people, who trust psychiatrists, psychologists, and even Christian psychologists with their most intimate pain and problems. 

A)  Read about the origins, essence, aims and dangers of secular and Christian Psychology: 

Great, Irreconcilable Differences Between Psychology and Scriptural Truth 

The Scriptural Responsibility of Victims from the Age of Accountability 

B)  Read the book, illustrative of this study: 

What Meddling Parents can do to Adult Children    

 

Contents

THE DEFINITION AND MECHANISMS OF ABUSE AND ABUSERS      

Indoctrinated, abuse-dependent victims defend their abusers even after deathStockholm Syndrome  

THE DREADFUL SIN OF PASSIVE AGGRESSIVENESS

VICTIMS’ HATRED FOR PASSIVE PROTECTORS

Legitimate Blame VS Undeserved Hatred

ABUSE IS SEATED IN UNREPENTANCE        

Will God kill that abuser to end the torture?

DO-GOODERS’ AND THEIR BRAINWASHING TECHNIQUES

“CHRIST CALLED HIS DISCIPLES TO A SELFLESS LIFE; THEY MUST NEVER PROTEST ABUSE!” - “CAN THAT BE SCRIPTURAL?”       

Jesus and His disciples did defend their human and legal rights

“LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR!” - “EASY PEASY!” - “REALLY?”        

DOES GOD SAVE US “UNCONDITIONALLY” - even if we REFUSE to REPENT?

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO FORGIVE SEVENTY TIMES SEVENTY

SPIRITUAL ABUSE IN CHURCH AND AT HOME        

“LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF!”  -  “BUT… I MUST CRUCIFY MYSELF, NOT ‘LOVE’ MYSELF!”          

“WHY COMPLAIN - SIMPLY FORGIVE AND FORGET!”        

“FORGIVE [THAT ABUSER] FROM THE HEART!” -  “WOW, THAT SOUNDS REALLY HARD!”     

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN:  “FORGIVE US AS WE FORGIVE OTHERS?”

“BLESS, DO GOOD, AND PRAY FOR YOUR ABUSERS!” - “HOW CAN I, WITH SO MUCH HURT, ANGER, AND RESENTMENT IN MY HEART?”  

ANGER IS A DANGEROUS EMOTION

Matthew chapter 5 is Jesus’ handbook on anger management

 Defamation of character and slander MEAN crimen injuria 

Private confrontation is not crimen injuria

 THE MALICIOUS SPREADING OF HURTFUL TRUTHS

HEALING A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP 

 FOLLOWING JESUS TO FREEDOM   

A PRAYER FOR DELIVERANCE AND HEALING         

FOREWORD 

“It was no big deal,” shouted a child molester and serial adulterer most defensively at his very distraught, confronting wife, who knew nothing about all this for most of their marriage life.  “It didn’t really harm anyone!  It wasn’t murder – it was just a game!” 

Constant fornication and adultery, child molestation, most clever lies, manipulation, mind-games and deception; violent assault and battering, shouting, filthy swearing; drunkenness and drug addiction — a game

Most unrepentant abusers even have the audacity to say they “cannot remember anything [about their crimes] because they didn’t memorize it,” and state that their victims “ran into their fists,” “brought it on themselves,” and “hit, harmed and choked themselves!”  One ‘dearly beloved’ old wife beater with a horrendous past, even continuously dragged his wife by her hair to a mirror so that she could “see how ugly she is and what she is doing to herself!”  Banging her face into the mirror, he shouted at the top of his voice, “You have bruises, hey?  It hurts, doesn’t it?  Well, you bruise so easily you should really learn to defend yourself!  This is what I am doing now — look how you keep on hurting me!” 

I always did, and always will make it clear that no sane person (or helpless animal) seeks, desires, or enjoys maltreatment.  I was always first to defend all victims of abuse that I knew about, and by the grace of God, I always will shield them as far as possible in everything good and Godly, and speak out for those who have no voice.  Any type of abuse always leaves indelible marks on souls, lives and relationships, which only Jesus Christ can cleanse with His own blood.  Constant abuse in various combinations wreak such terrible sorrow on victims, they might never be healed on this side of the grave.  How dare secret and even openly aggressive abusers minimize such incredible destruction on their victims’ lives!  All types of abuse are delinquency and crimes against God and His creation.  Very few abusers ever realize that their chronic abuse places victims in an intolerably precarious position. 

On top of all the pain, anger, distress, provocation, humiliation, rejection and unsettlement, victims of abuse often have to contend with the bewilderment of their physical and emotional dependence upon a serial abuser.  It is not uncommon that they also struggle with their distorted but lingering love for such a beast, as in the case of a cruel abuser, who still remains a parent, spouse, or adult child.  Even more horrendously is the emotional strain of a life filled with foul and violent episodes, extremely bad memories, and the ultimate trauma of separation and divorce.  Besides all this, it is not uncommon for those who suffer persistent abuse to experience diminishing or distorted faith in God and a huge lack of self confidence, while shame and growing isolation leaves the person without a trustworthy support system, or even just another person to speak to.  Then, there is the vital yet difficult matter of forgiveness and, if they have no other recourse, the continued sharing of their lives with unrelenting abusers.  That is why abuse, left untreated God’s Way, (which is the only real way to heal humanity from  festering emotional wounds,) has the power to turn the victims of abuse into incredibly malicious abusers themselves; set in unforgiveness, bitterness, hatred, revenge and many other forms of evil, which severely threaten even their eternal lives in heaven

Still, victims of abuse are not merely “sinners who need to repent from the victim mentality, induced by psychology,” as some heartless and misinformed person wrote.  God Himself views physical and verbal abuse in such a serious light that He gave us clear Scriptural directives to deal with all types of injurious people. 

When talking about abuse, we have to remember that in most cases, chronic abuse happens on a multilevel.  Multilevel refers to the onion effect.  Layers of abuse often sit one on top of another.  Over time, different types of abuse pile up from different angles to overwhelm victims and push them away from God and other people, and to destroy them mentally, physically — even spiritually.  Therefore, this study pertains to ALL types of abuse and to ALL victims of abuse. However, because I have never and will never protect any type of unrepentant abuser, (even victims turned abusers,) I do not dispute the fact that an exaggerated, vengeful and even a misconceived victim mentality does exist.  I know that ignoring, minimizing and justifying their crimes are common, manipulative tricks, which all types of unremorseful abusers use to wrangle themselves out of confrontation and accountability. 

Nevertheless, let there never be any doubt:  my sympathy lies with the victims of abuse. 

However, God did not call anyone to condemn anyone else to eternal hell and the destruction of his or her life and soul.  He called His children to be His instruments in saving, redeeming and restoring all people according to the truth of His Word!  Sending souls to hell is God’s domain, while judging or testing their unrepentant ‘fruit’ or continuous deeds is a commandment of God.  Therefore, backbiting persecution, revenge and condemnation are NOT the Scriptural ‘judgment’ of bad deeds; discernment between right and wrong, and the uncovering of dangerous unrepentant sin, which constantly affects victims and society!  (Jn. 4:1-4; 1 Ths. 5:21.22, etc.) 

To sinners without Christ, sin is a normal part of life, (Prov. 10:23.)  Even sincere believers in Christ also stumble sometimes, (1 Jn. 1:7-10.)  However, a true believer of Christ simply cannot persist intentionally in his or her old sinful ways, (whether the sin is outward sin or secret, emotional sin such as hatred and revenge,) and remain a child of God, who will inherit eternal life in heaven, (Rom. 12:1-2; Rev. 20:11-25; Rom. 14:10-11; Rev. 3:5.) 

It is the deceptive lie of psychiatry, spiritually dead religion, and ungodly, vengeful victims that murderers, rapists, child molesters, etc., once sincerely saved in Christ and repented from sin, supposedly cannot be pastors, evangelists, etc. in the service of Christ.  God commanded us not to commit emotional and spiritual murder on anyone — not even on our unrepentant “enemies,” but to restore abusers to society once they repent from their abuse, (2 Cor. 2:5-11.) 

God forgives those completely, who stop their abuse, confess their sin to their victims, and do restitution according to His Scriptural commandments, (Jam. 5:16-17.)  So, it is an immovable Scriptural fact that, if humanity should remain disqualified from God’s forgiveness and service after salvation and Scriptural repentance, then Christ has died in vain for us all, (Gal. 2:21.)

A great problem, which hinders the healing of wounded people and broken relationships, is the fact that people do not honestly and openly confess their sins to one another, as God commands in Scripture.  Most people, believers too, keep their devastating sins secret and cowardly ‘confess their sins to God;’ deceiving themselves to think it is unnecessary to confess ALL hurtful, demeaning, and destructive crimes to “one another,” (Jam. 5:16.) 

It is crucial to realize, if just one evil deed hinders a relationship, we should initiate peace as soon as possible by openly discussing the matter with each other in private first, (more on the Scriptural process of reconciliation later on,) and confess that sin to the person or persons “we have trespassed against.”  Of course, the transgressor then also needs to repent from that sin and do restitution for the harm they have caused.  For instance: lies must be replaced by truth; infidelity by fidelity, etc. 

Those abusers who obey God’s Moral Law of Love by confessing their sins to their victims, repenting from abuse and doing the necessary restitution, are in fact true conquerors, as it takes a lot of faith in God and a whole load of self-denial and guts to obey these most important Moral commandments of God.  However, nothing God commands is really that difficult, because, as soon as we decide to obey Him, the Holy Spirit empowers us and leads the way.   

THE DEFINITION AND MECHANISMS OF ABUSE AND ABUSERS 

The purpose of abuse is not just to harm us, but to discourage and draw even sincere believers away from God, while keeping unbelievers in hatred for God; blaming Him for all the ills in their lives and in this world.  As long as the evil one can make us believe that evil comes from God, and that He does not care about the suffering in this world, he has a foothold in our thoughts to turn us against God.  However, the opposite is true.  “God SO loved the WHOLE world, (every person on earth,) that He gave His only, begotten Son Jesus, so that WHOEVER (personally believes in Him, accepts Him and follows Him,) shall not perish, but have eternal life,” (Jn. 3:16.) 

In His Word, Jesus made it clear that continual, deliberate, and unrepentant abuse is not just a mistake, a once-off remark, a joke, words said in anger because of severe provocation, or a thoughtless offense such as standing on someone’s toes, of which we are all guilty sometimes.  God declared in 1 Jn. 1:6-10, “If we say we have not sinned we make God a liar, and His Word is not in us.”  Acute, inexcusable crimes against humanity usually reveal themselves in violent attacks from strangers such as robbery, assault, rape, adultery, and murder.  However, real abuse is an unbearable, chronic state or condition, which occurs repeatedly and persists in families, marriages, workplaces, religious congregations and other long-term relationships.  True abuse often only stops physically at the death of the unrepentant abuser, while the damages done to innocents usually live on in the emotions and physical circumstances of victims! 

The crime of violent abuse is a most destructive force, but all types of abuse are really life-threatening crimes.  Even continual verbal attacks such as shouting and swearing, (despite the fact that it is the crime of character assassination,) will, sooner or later, escalate into physical violence, which often ends in physical murder.  Nevertheless, Jesus Himself taught that secretive anger, unforgiveness, hatred and unfounded jealousy transcends the physical realm of physical pain.  It focuses on character and spiritual murder, and manifests in the spreading of lies, provocation, false accusations, relentless persecution, rejection, slander, cheating, adultery, sexual molestation, rape, theft, and everything else that is vile, dangerous, and destructive. 

This is what John meant when he wrote in 1 Jn. 3:15, “Whoever hates his [fellow human being] is a murderer and you know that no [unrepentant] murderer has eternal life abiding in him.” 

In teaching on dealing with abuse, Jesus commanded, when you are slapped on the cheek, [which is merely an occasional insult, not assault or chronic abuse,] you should turn the other cheek too.  However, “whoever is angry with [another] without a [serious] cause shall be in danger of the judgment.  And whoever says to [another] ‘Raca!’ and ‘You fool!’ [You useless, ugly, stupid, vile thing,] is in danger of hell fire!  [Do not think you can serve and worship God with such murder in your heart and on your tongue.]  Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar and there remember that [someone else] has something against you, [not the other way round,] reconcile yourself to the person you offended first [as far as possible...]” (Mt. 5:22-24.) 

All forms of unrepentant abuse are raw hatred for God, God’s children, and His creation, which constitutes witchcraft against God.  Therefore, hatred in the form of emotional and spiritual abuse also constitutes murder in the eyes of God. 

From the demonic sin of hatred for God and His creation flow all kinds of abusive crimes against humanity, as well as against God’s completely innocent animal kingdom.  As we all know, God, the just Judge, does not condemn physical abusers, (even rapists, child molesters, adulterers, etc.,) while exonerating murderers bound by unforgiveness, false accusation, and vengeance.  Unrepentant spiritual, emotional, AND physical murderers will never enter into heaven, as God commanded in Rev. 22:13-17, “Blessed are those who do My [moral] commandments that they may have the right to enter through the gates into the city [or heaven.]  But outside are dogs… [Those who are ‘ceremonially unclean’ as dogs were under Old Testament law.  In New Testament terms this means those who did not truly accept and follow Jesus obediently, but are merely religious without ever knowing and thus obeying the Moral Law of Christ.  Consequently, they did not experience spiritual cleansing through His completed atonement on the cross.  Such non-regenerated sinners, whether religious or not, will never and in fact can never repent from their physical, emotional, and spiritual corruption because they wilfully remain slaves of sin.] 

“And [outside heaven are all the] sorcerers, [who commit spiritual and emotional witchcraft against God and His creation, and all unrepentant] sexually immoral murderers, idolaters, and whoever loves and practices a lie…” 

ABUSE OF THE CONTEXT MAKES TRUTH INTO A LIE 

Troublemaking manipulators and liars do not only lie unashamedly. 

Just as their lying father the devil, they deliberately contort and misinterpret specific situations, and twist the meaning of words and the context of facts and conversations, effectively making truth into dangerous lies to cause trouble for their victims. I have learnt that everything evil comes from the devil.  He can also do a lot of ‘good’ if he so chooses, because he built his evil ways on hypocrisy and deception, but being the self-corrupted entity that he is, he does nothing for good without turning it into bad. 

ABUSE IS A TWO-WAY STREET    

When the victims of abuse are defenseless little children before the age of accountability and helpless animals, the problem of surrendering to the mindless torture of abusers cannot enter the picture.  However, maltreated victims, as well as vengeful victims turned abusers themselves, have to know that all unrepentant or nonstop abusers are unscrupulous narcissists, who command unconditional subjection to their spiteful afflictions.  (Narcissism is typified by a personality disorder where, in the selfish minds of abusers, they completely overestimate and adore their own looks, intellect, power, wealth, social status, and especially their ‘good’ religious works.  Narcissists place themselves on a ‘higher’ creation level than other people, whom they dehumanize as ‘lesser’ beings.  To function in society, narcissists require the slavish subjection and admiration of all the so-called ‘lesser’ members of their family and society.) 

Domination and submission; power and helplessness; control and compliance are therefore counter-sides of the same evil coin of abuse. This applies to all forms of abuse — the abuse of malicious, vengeful victims too!  An abuser can never function without a victim to dominate and control; while a victim can never suffer – and continue to suffer, without the domination and control of an unrelenting abuser.

Once the abuser stops the abuse, the victim, in essence, is free, and can begin to heal from the scars of abuse God'  Yet, most victims of abuse choose to keep on fixating on the abuse while never obeying Jesus’ Moral Law of Love; effectively choosing to keep themselves in bondage to their abusers. 

ABUSIVE CONTROL CAN BE HIGHLY ADDICTIVE 

The frog-experiment: the process of enslavement 

As in the experiment with the frog, which would immediately jump out of the pot when it is placed in hot water, while it would sit in the water and slowly cook to death if the water is heated gradually, the process of enslavement to spiritual, emotional, and physical abuse happens over time, while the victim is constantly brainwashed, duped, manipulated, and pushed into acceptance and submission, and eventually, into passivity and passive aggressiveness. 

Without the submission, ignorance, denial, and passiveness or self-deception of the victim, abuse cannot exist.  For as long as the victim cannot or will not clearly see the abuser for who he or she really is and what he or she is really doing, the victim will remain under the control of the abuser.  It is no wonder that Jesus said, “we shall know the truth [about His Word and our circumstances,] and the truth shall set us free.”  Many victims actually choose to live in denial rather than to face disruptive, or ‘destroying’ facts.  I mean, it’s really difficult and heart-breaking to see that drunken dad for the dirty, lazy, rude, aggressive wife and child beater, and sponger that he really is (or was.)  It’s easier to think of alcoholism as an “illness;” actually believing that he or she is a sad by-product of ‘evil enslaving alcohol,’ a sick society, an oppressing political system, etc.  Searching for excuses to blame the alcohol and the drugs, and everyone else that could be remotely involved, instead of taking a long, hard look at the abuser behind the bottle, is not always easy.  Still, it is the only way to get free and remain free from Satan’s enslavement to such abusers.     

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